Give Something Back
by Sara Jaye
Summary: What do you say to a man who doesn't even know how to deal with his own loss? Farina's thoughts on the voyage back from Valor.


Few things were more annoying than seasickness. The dizziness, the nausea, the puking every few minutes.

_I am **so** glad I don't get seasick_, Farina thought, half-smug and half-concerned as she listened to the noises coming from the sickroom. Poor Guy and Fiora, she thought, and poor Serra and Lucius having to deal with them!

Despite her lack of vomiting or dizziness, though, good was the last thing she was feeling right now. After they'd boarded Fargus's ship, Hector had locked himself in his cabin and refused to come out or talk to anyone, even Lord Eliwood.

_His brother,_ she thought, remembering what Nergal had said before the big battle. Lord Uther was dead, and she'd found out from Oswin that he and Matthew had hid that secret from him. _If one of my sisters was dying and someone lied to **me** about it, I'd never forgive them!_

Not that she was _worried_ about the man! Lord Hector could take care of himself just fine, Farina was the idiot who overworked herself and needed him to pull her ass out of the fire. At least that's how he saw it, so what point was there to worrying? Besides, it wasn't as if she-

_Oh, wait, I do. For some crazy reason I love the jerk._

Farina sighed. So she was worried about him. She loved him. But even accepting her own feelings didn't do anything for the situation.

When Fiora had fallen into debt by abandoning her mission to rescue Farina's unit, Farina had worked her butt off to pay it back. When she learned Dorcas was earning money to help his wife, she'd taken a generous sum out of her own wages and added it to his. When Serra's shoes got too dirty and Hector had scolded her for complaining, Farina bought her a new pair (though part of her reason for _that_ was to see the look on his face when she'd taken the cleric's side).

Throwing money at it had always been Farina's solution to everything, but no amount of gold could fix what Hector was going through right now.

But sitting out on the deck worrying sure wasn't going to fix things any easier than money, so Farina decided to bite the arrow and go check on him. If nothing else, no one could accuse her of not trying.

-x-

To her surprise, Hector let her in without any complaint. In fact, he didn't even say anything, even when she sat down on his bed without asking. He just sat there like a stone, face devoid of anything resembling an emotion._ Damn it, say something! Yell at me, tell me to get out, be annoyed at me_, she thought. She could deal with an angry Hector, but this quiet Hector was scaring her.

"Sorry about your brother," she finally managed to say, and to her relief he glared at her.

"_That's_ why you barged in here? To tell me the same stupid thing everyone else has been saying since we got on this damn ship?" he demanded. "Sure, you're sorry he's dead, but sorry isn't gonna bring him back!"

"I _know_ that!" she snapped; part of her felt bad for her tone when he was obviously hurting, but snapping back and forth with him was something that just came naturally to her. "But I'm still sorry it happened, okay?"

"Well, stop being sorry." He turned away. "It's not like I didn't see it coming. Uther always took after Dad, so of course he'd die the same way he did."

"Hector-"

"Besides, he was getting old before his time anyway," he continued. "Always having to look after me since Mom and Dad died, it's a wonder he lived as long as he did!" He turned back to her again, pounding the bedroll. "So don't you dare act like saying your sorry's gonna help, and I swear if you even _try_ to tell me you know how I feel-"

"For your information, I _do!_" Her face hardened, her sympathy for the man beginning to fade. "My parents have been dead since I was a kid, and I had to watch Fiora grow old before her time looking after me and Florina! And after they died, all anyone did was tell us how sorry they were and pat our heads, like that was supposed to make us feel better!" Tears sprang to her eyes. "So don't you _dare_ tell me I don't know how you feel, Lord Hector of Ostia! Don't you _dare!_"

He stared at her in shock for a moment before his face became sympathetic. He moved closer, placing a hand on her shoulder.

"You never told me that."

"You never asked." She gave a short, bitter laugh and squeezed her eyes shut. "Now you know why Fiora's such a tired old stick in the mud. She's been mine and Florina's mom since before she was even ten."

"Heh." He smiled sadly. "Guess we've got more in common than we thought."

"I guess..." She looked down. "Boy, that sure sucks!"

"Yeah." He shrugged, taking his hand off her shoulder. "I'll live, though. Um, but listen, I kinda want to be alone right now so you can go on back to your cabin. I'll be okay."

"No." She grasped his hand. "I can't leave you alone at a time like this."

"Farina, I'm not that weak, okay? I've had plenty of time to think about this!"

"No, you haven't," she said. "It happened a while ago but all we've been doing lately is fighting and thinking about fighting. If you were really okay you wouldn't have locked yourself in your room like this."

"I-" He sighed. "Look, I'm touched you're worried about me and all, but you don't have to. I can deal with this by myself, I always have. Even when my parents died."

"But you _can't._ You're not dealing with it at all! You aren't even-"

"Crying?" He shook his head. "Look, even if I wanted to cry, I can't. I couldn't when my parents died, and I can't now. I just...can't." He sighed. "Just go back to your cabin." He moved to stand up, but she pulled on his arm, keeping him close.

"You know who you sound like?" she asked. "You sound like me. Remember? I wouldn't let you help me when I passed out from fighting too hard, but you helped me up anyway."

"And you complained the whole time."

"But I was still grateful. You showed me that not all nobles are cold-hearted, that some of them actually _care_ about their employees," she said. "And...well, I care about you." _Understatement of the century._ "So I can't leave you alone. Not now...not ever."

"Farina..."

She flung her arms around him, burying her face in his shoulder.

"If you can't, then...then I will. For you."

As she felt his arms close around her back, the tears she'd been holding back finally gave the relief of falling.


End file.
